Hi there! You are currently browsing as a guest. Why not create an account? Then you get less ads, can thank creators, post feedback, keep a list of your favourites, and more!
Theorist
#376 Old 28th Dec 2012 at 4:05 PM
Quote: Originally posted by Sunshine021
Clearly your parents spanking you didn't do any bit of good, because if it had, you wouldn't be sitting here shitting on all the people who grew up in a stable home and didn't have parents that resorted to violence as a means of discipline.

Never have children. Seriously.

Seriously? Fuck. Pot. Kettle.

Just because some people have extravagant measures of terrible and unconscionable violence happen to them then no one must ever have any lesser degree of minor aggression applied to them because fuck, how would that work. It's the logic equivalent of

"HEROIN FUCKING RUINED MY LIFE SO FUCK YOU FOR TAKING MIDOL."

Chill out and pull your head out of your ass.
Advertisement
Forum Resident
#377 Old 28th Dec 2012 at 8:57 PM
I think whether spanking could be "good" or "effective" really depends on the behavior of the child. Some kids learn pretty well through it and they actually appreciate their parents for that discipline. Two of my brothers are that way. They're thankful for the spankings they received as children because it taught them discipline.

But it isn't effective for all kids. Enter me and my other brother. My brother Mike and I aren't brats and we weren't spoiled. Neither of us were at all thankful for the spankings we received growing up. As a child, I never understood the concept of hitting people and putting them in pain because you loved them and wanted them to change for their own good. I can logically think that through now, but I never understood that as a child. I tried to be as good as possible as a little girl because otherwise I would make Mom and Dad angry and they would put me in pain because they were mad at me and didn't like me at the moment. Although ironically, as I got older the spankings stopped quickly but I got a whopping dose of verbal abuse (insults about my character, name-calling, questions about my worth, how much my Dad couldn't stand the way I acted) and really wished I could just have the spankings without the screaming words.

But yeah, my older brother Mike got more defiant the more he was hit. The cycle was pretty brutal. The spankings got worse until they became full-out beatings. He finally ran off to get away from it all. Became a heroin addict for 10 years. Not saying spanking "led" him into that, but it certainly couldn't have helped. It obviously didn't work for him.

Anyhow. I can see the arguments for spanking, depending on the child, but I'm pretty convinced I'm not going to spank my own kids when I have them. It's way too easy to get carried away when you're angry, some kids don't understand your intentions for spanking them, and for some kids it's just not effective.

The Overlord Legacy - Taking over the world one generation at a time.
The Addison House - The reality show where eight contestants are crammed in one haunted house to survive.
Field Researcher
#378 Old 28th Dec 2012 at 11:01 PM
I have three sibling's and all of us where spanked on the butt as kids, and it stopped at a certain age and grounding was introduced to us in are teens, and or alliance not giving in some cases!..

My youngest sister is on Disability for Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) she was molested by a family friend [female] as a kid, and when she became older she got involved with one violent relationship after another with both sexes and she drinks like a sailor and takes any narcotics she can get her hands on, I disowned her 9 years ago because shes a mental and financial burden, she also gave up her son to her abusive ex boyfriend to continue the party life style shes accustomed to, I don't regret disowning her!..

My Older brother suffers from bipolar disorder and still works and left his wife briefly for a year after they just had a baby girl, he's back with them!..

My older Sister suffers from depression and still works and has a grown daughter and a teen girl and teen boy!..

I'm on Disability for meld depression and a learning Disability and have been on Canadian Disability since 1994, I take Teva-Venlafaxine XR for my depression and anxiety!..

the ages of all of us range from 42 to 49

You tell me if spanking helped my siblings and I?
Site Helper
#379 Old 28th Dec 2012 at 11:12 PM
Do you have any evidence that spanking caused your problems? Perhaps such problems are genetic.
Field Researcher
#380 Old 28th Dec 2012 at 11:24 PM
Quote: Originally posted by Mootilda
Do you have any evidence that spanking caused your problems? Perhaps such problems are genetic.


I'm the only one out of my siblings who never got involved with a girl and brought kids into this world, I didn't wont to discipline a child and thought because my grandfather was illiterate and my father could barely read and wright and I was in special ed since grade 1 that I came from bad genetics and didn't wont to bring more bad genetics into this world!..

I'm 43 and well live alone for the rest of my life, I'm very shy and can't stand rejection, I have this idiot magnet and attract people that are corrupt are do shady things, currently no one like that is in my life thank goodness, isolation is a good thing at times!..
Theorist
#381 Old 29th Dec 2012 at 12:16 AM
So you're saying it has nothing to do with spanking, it's genetic.
Site Helper
#382 Old 29th Dec 2012 at 12:57 AM
Honestly, it can be really hard to determine whether an individual has problems because of genetics or environment. Only a properly constructed scientific study can tell us whether spanking increases or decreases the likelihood of emotional problems later in life.
Site Helper
#384 Old 29th Dec 2012 at 1:36 AM Last edited by Mootilda : 29th Dec 2012 at 1:59 AM.
Actually, I don't remember seeing anyone tell you off for linking to an article about a study. I remember seeing someone who was upset because you told them "Never have children. Seriously.".

In this kind of thread, it's better not to attack individuals. Much better to attack what they are saying.

My own personal experience is that physical "discipline" ruined my relationship with my father to this day. It may have been meant to "teach" me something, but I have no memory of learning anything from the experience except to avoid this man as much as I was able to. (" It is certain that physical punishment disrupts the important emotional connection between parent and child.")
Née whiterider
retired moderator
#385 Old 31st Dec 2012 at 8:55 PM
Quote: Originally posted by Mootilda
In this kind of thread, it's better not to attack individuals. Much better to attack what they are saying.
QFE. Any posters in this thread must remember that, and refrain from making insults or aggressive comments.

What I lack in decorum, I make up for with an absence of tact.
Instructor
#386 Old 1st Jan 2013 at 3:18 AM
I think the reason why people are, especially here on MTS are in such an uproar about the whole spanking issue is because sometimes, the definition of child abuse personally differs from person to person, unfortunately. An example goes back to my thread about the Statute of Limitations being implimented for Child Abuse about that fucking asshole of a Texas Judge William Adams who was videotaped in 2004 abusing his 16 year old daughter Hillary Adams by throwing her on her bed violently, pulling her hair frequently, and whipping her with a belt seventeen times and in the process of that, he's also cursing at her, throwing horrible insults at her, threatning to beat her until she's in a coma and even threatening to throw her out of their house and disown her. Now we all know what that cockface did was 10000000000000000000000000% extreme child abuse and not discipline. But that cunthole deluded himself into beliving that all he was doing was giving his daughter "good ole' fashioned discipline." But not only that, but the mother (who also whips Hillary with a belt and screams insults at her) was also the victim of domestic violence coming from that horrible man. So he's not only a child abuser, but a wife beater too.

I understand the video is going to be nine years old soon and the mother and Hillary Adams both escaped from that cold-hearted monster, but shit like this just can't go unexcused.
Test Subject
#387 Old 3rd Mar 2013 at 1:48 AM
I was only spanked a handful of times growing up. I remember what I did each time and I didn't repeat it. Obviously I learned my lesson. More important though was having involved parents where a "I'm disappointed in you" was a lot worse then the belt.

Sims3WrightFan
Test Subject
#388 Old 11th Mar 2013 at 3:49 AM
Spoil the rod and whip the child <--- from the bible..that's the approach I'd take.
Mad Poster
#389 Old 11th Mar 2013 at 3:55 AM
Quote: Originally posted by RayeNation
Spoil the rod and whip the child <--- from the bible..that's the approach I'd take.
That's not exactly what it says. Also, this argument was already raised in this thread. Further, by giving another biblical quote, I demonstrated that the bible contains abhorrent advice at times. Given that, I would not use the bible as the deciding factor for an action.

Addicted to The Sims since 2000.
Theorist
#390 Old 11th Mar 2013 at 8:28 AM
Quote: Originally posted by RayeNation
Spoil the rod and whip the child <--- from the bible..that's the approach I'd take.

The Bible also says you should impregnate your sister-in-law after your brother dies, you shouldn't eat shellfish, that you can own slaves and sell your daughters as slaves to foreigners, and implicitly endorses a massive amount of incest.

If you're going to do things according to the letter of Biblical endorsement, maybe you should just give us your address so we can call the cops on you and save some people a lot of hassle.
Test Subject
#391 Old 19th Mar 2013 at 7:09 AM
Quote: Originally posted by Mistermook
The Bible also says you should impregnate your sister-in-law after your brother dies, you shouldn't eat shellfish, that you can own slaves and sell your daughters as slaves to foreigners, and implicitly endorses a massive amount of incest.


If you're going to do things according to the letter of Biblical endorsement, maybe you should just give us your address so we can call the cops on you and save some people a lot of hassle.


Don't talk shit like that to the holy book

Beep boop bop
Mad Poster
#392 Old 19th Mar 2013 at 9:36 AM
Quote: Originally posted by RoboArtist
Don't talk shit like that to the holy book
Whether it's really a holy book written by God or a terrible translation gone terribly wrong at the hands of a few men (yes, men, not women) who decided which parts to keep and which parts to reject and who freely plagiarized from one another and who took generations writing "in the spirit" of this prophet or that prophet, who changed the story to fit their message, and has since been terribly translated more by people who think it's appropriate to misunderstand a language by taking words out of the context of the culture and allegory they came from and interpreting them literally, and whether it's really God's word or their word is really a discussion for a different thread.

Addicted to The Sims since 2000.
Theorist
#393 Old 19th Mar 2013 at 4:24 PM
Quote: Originally posted by RoboArtist
Don't talk shit like that to the holy book

It's not holy to me, nor does telling me to shut up change what's inside the book. So basically, piss up a rope.
Mad Poster
#394 Old 19th Mar 2013 at 5:21 PM
(How I hate bible-quotes in such discussions - they're not scientific, and in most cases they're just ancient and very often outdated opinions to justify certain beavior, that's all. We actually live in 2013, in case no one noticed. Science moved along, even if the bible didn't).

So.

Does spanking create the problem of an unruly child who does not respond to any other punishment than spanking, or does the unruly child (the "problem" child) lead to their parents trying everything before they end on spanking being the (in their eyes) only working punishment/diciplnary tactic?

I was a 'willfull' child when I was in my toddler years, and my older brother was even more 'willfull' than I was. We didn't always do what was expected of us, and we sometimes did the wrong things. But my parents never spanked any of us. The very idea of hitting us was not even on mom's mind. Instead, they explained why things were wrong, and usually told us what to do or how to do it the right way. I can't actually remember a single time where we needed to be diciplined, even if I was one to push limits a bit over the line at times. I didn't do anything very wrong, but I had my own opinions of things. Sure, we were yelled at sometimes, but that was usually it. I guess I quickly learned the limits... And still we turned out alright.

But I know that my dad's parents weren't shy of spanking their kids. And I see it again in the behavior of some of my aunts and uncles, with aggressive behavior toward their own kids. I've also noticed that some of their kids are more inclined to attention-seeking, wrong behavior than the kids who are treated with respect and kindness.

Spanking is often done in anger, and if there's one thing you shouldn't do, it is to diciplinate kids in anger. Things often seem much worse than they really are, because you're frustrated and angry and you've gotten mroe than enough already - and you are only going to create a much bigger problem if you start hitting. The kid needs to understand what he or she did wrong. They don't need pain. Research has also shown that regular spanking can lower IQ, and if that's true you're not exactly doing them a big favor.

Would you cut your child with a knife? Would you hit them with a baseball bat? Would you punch them with a knotted hand? Would you smack them with a heavy book over their hands at the risk of breaking a couple of fingers?
Can anyone tell me why the above things would be very bad, but why hitting them with your hand or a belt is so much better? Does it hurt any less? Perhaps in measure of pain, but not in the measure of the act itself. I can't see why it's better. In my eyes, it's all violence, and equally wrong to do. Hitting/smacking an adult person is not allowed, so why should hitting a child be allowed? No matter how "mild" it is, it still hurts for the child. Not only their buttocks, but a piece of their soul. There's also that little grain of doubt that says "do mommy and daddy really love me when they hit me?" It might not show on the kid, and kids are naturally protective over their parents for certain things - they're scared to be taken away, and they're scared to be left alone. They might also be more prone to attention-seeking and there you have the ball rolling.

So many here say "I was spanked as a child, and I turned out well."
It's a bit like a 90-year old smoker who says to a 50-year old smoker with terminal lung cancer, "I've smoked all my life and it didn't make me sick."

You don't know how the spanking will affect the child when it gets older. The child might turn out alright as an adult, but for all you know he or she might get lifelong problems. You simply don't know. And that's why it's wrong to do it.

Some light reading: http://www.parentingscience.com/spanking-children.html
Site Helper
#395 Old 19th Mar 2013 at 5:31 PM
Quote: Originally posted by RoboArtist
Don't talk shit like that to the [sic] holy book
The bible arguments don't seem to belong in this thread. We have threads for the discussion of religion; please stick to those threads when discussing the bible.
Lab Assistant
#396 Old 19th Mar 2013 at 5:49 PM
We gave our kids a choice between a time out and a spanking. It worked well. There was only one time anyone chose a spanking.
Undead Molten Llama
#397 Old 19th Mar 2013 at 6:05 PM
Ultimately, when it comes to discipline, I think that people should do what they feel is right for their child and right for them and, outside of clearly abusive situations, other people should keep their noses and opinions out of other people's personal business. Especially if they've never had kids themselves. (Doing so will open your eyes, trust me. )

That said, there is a difference between abuse and physical discipline that's not carried out in anger. Discipline gets out of hand when parents deliver it in anger, when their own emotions are out of control. Not a good idea. Bad things happen then.

In my experience, as I've said in this thread, a swat on a clothed butt with a paddle that was big so that it distributed the force such that the blow wasn't very painful but that transmitted the message nevertheless worked well on my kids when they were between the ages of about 5 and 10, old enough to associate the discipline with what they did (which was always clearly and calmly explained to them) but not old enough that they really cared about stuff like being "grounded" or having stuff taken away from them.

When they're younger than that, they don't properly associate physical discipline with what they did, so physical discipline makes no sense to them and they don't learn anything from it aside from learning to fear you, which isn't good. A sharp, loud, and immediate "No!" or "Leave that!" worked better to teach my kids about basic things that they weren't allowed to do or touch or whatever when they were older infants through pre-schoolers. When they're older than about 10 or so, they brush off the physical discipline as no big deal and, essentially, it becomes meaningless at that point and should be substituted with something that will work, at least as well as discipline CAN work with adolescents, especially headstrong ones. At that point, for me, it worked better to deprive my kids of things they valued at whatever age they were. (For my kids, taking away their phone or, GOD FORBID, their iPod was WAY more devastating than getting a whack on the ass once they hit 11 or 12.) In all cases, the rules of the house are known, discipline is consistent and never arbitrary, and it only happens when I'm in control of my own emotions and the kid has actively chosen to break the rules that they are very well aware of, so they aren't surprised by receiving discipline for it.

That's how I disciplined, in a nutshell. My kids are both fine and we're extremely close with each other. My daughter never required and still doesn't require much in the way of discipline, but my now-adult son has thanked me over and over again for being very strict and not letting him get away with stuff when he was a kid, as he WAS headstrong and was for a time heading down a bad path. That said, my son blew through Army boot camp with ease last year because physical and verbal discipline is nothing new to him. Being able to do that got him a commendation and an early promotion and into Ranger training, which has been his ambition for a long, long time.

So, not everyone subjected to strict discipline, including physical but non-abusive discipline, turns into a person plagued with neuroses who's afraid of/disrespects their parents and blah, blah. BUT, in my opinion, it has to be done the right way. The problem, I think, is that most parents who use physical discipline don't do it right. They do it in anger and/or they use methods that are far too extreme, meant to cause pain more than to effectively communicate a message in a way that means something to the kid. I'm sure a ton of you will disagree with me but, like I said, how a parent chooses to discipline is a personal choice, so long as the situation is not abusive according to the law. (Not, "abusive according to what other people think," mind you, because to some people just raising your voice to a kid is "abuse.") The problem is that there is no "parent training" that anyone has to go through and no one gets a license in order to be a parent, so lots of people who reproduce totally screw things up (and, thus, screw up their kid(s) ) unless they do their research and thinking. In my experience, not many people do that.

I'm mostly found on (and mostly upload to) Tumblr these days because, alas, there are only 24 hours in a day.
Muh Simblr! | An index of my downloads on Tumblr.
Lab Assistant
#398 Old 20th Apr 2018 at 12:15 AM
You're correct about it "depending on the child". Every child is going to be different thus the way you discipline as well as reward them may have to differ. I had an older brother who hated disappointing my parents so much that them merely raising their voice at him made him cry and he was remorseful and hurt. As for myself I couldn't understand "GO CLEAN YOUR ROOM NOW!" But understood *WHACK!* "Didn't I tell you 3 times already to clean your room?!?" perfectly; at which point I became a little janitor. So the methods have to be adjusted and suited to each individual and situation. This is exactly why I truly believe that NO ONE who isn't ready for parenthood should (i.e. unwed teens) should have children. It's NOT an easy path of life to embark. It's a HUGE responsibility that often comes with even HUGE'R risk.
 
Page 16 of 16
Back to top